Technically it’s not our wedding anniversary…but 1 year ago today we signed papers legally wedding us ^^ so Husband says he is willing to watch a scary movie with me tonight and drink some very expensive wine from France~ we got the wine from my aunt and uncle (they’re ridiculously rich) they gave us 10 bottles each costing from 6-7 hundred dollars! Needless to say we’ve been saving the last 6 for a special occasion :)
In bed….husband has been sleeping for the past hour or so….and while I was cuddling up behind him, he farted on my knee….this is my Friday….I should be out at Thursday Party with BKB, S and OMGKorea but I’m in bed getting farted on….
Gawwwwwd there are so many pictures of my ex flying around my Facebook with his new squeeze! He has obviously blocked me on Facebook….I guess I hurt him too bad, but I’m still friends with this girl…..and every single picture is of him…..I’m trying super hard NOT to care but he takes her to all the places he took me…her posts about him weirdly resemble my posts about him 4-6 years ago….it’s laughable…I told Husband about this (which he didn’t find very amusing) I should probably just unfriend her…right? That would be the mature thing to do…rather than like her photos or say they look cute together….ugh….
I got the confirmation today…my betas are down to 1.6 which is no longer pregnant and I have miscarried. My (new) doctor thinks that the last beta I had it was catching it on the way down that’s why it was so low. He’s sorry for what I am going through but he says he has hope and he’s going to watch me even closer. So I’m not going to waste any time and he has me on Femara starting tomorrow. He’s doubled my dose to 5mg rather than the 2.5 and he wanted to put me on injectables but I said no, I wanted to try one more time (more naturally) and he said that was a good idea. So he has me on Femara plus the baby aspirin and has me coming in on the 30th for a check up to see how my eggs are growing :) we’re trying to be as positive as we can because this is our first miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) but every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman I just want to burst out crying….I just feel hollow in a sense that it was just some hope….anyways….this will be last post about it because the more I think about it the more sad and empty it makes me…and I don’t want to feel this way, I can’t change the inevitable or yearn for a baby that didn’t happen….
Just got back from the hospital~ took a blood test and will be confirmed tomorrow if it’s just breakthrough bleeding or a chemical pregnancy….I’m pretty sure it’ll be the later! And even though I loved my fertility clinic I may just change to the one in my neighborhood because they’re technically bigger (and much closer) even though I hate 99.9% of the staff! They’re always sighing and rolling their eyes! I’m gonna wig out on one of them one day I swear to fucking…..breathe…
Anyways this doctor says that if my HCg levels have gone up from 6.1 then he’ll give me a shot to help prevent miscarriage?? And if the bleeding is my period (which me and the doctor think it is) were going to do another Femara round with the trigger and he’s going to monitor me more closely! Let’s see how he does~
I’m bleeding…..I don’t know how I’m going to tell husband.
He was so excited about the hope of a baby….
I just found out I was pregnant….I know 50-60% of first pregnancies end in early miscarriage….I just wish I never even knew I was pregnant….
Needless to say Husband is ecstatic and super positive! He says if we do miscarry then it’s no big deal AT LEAST we know we’re able to get pregnant! I adore him and his positivity….on that note he wanted (we wanted) to give our baby a 태명 (nickname). He wanted to call it 사랑이 (love) or 행복이 (happiness), both of which I hated, they’re just so mainstream!! And every time I said 사랑이 I thought of the little half Japanese girl on the superman show, super adorable but she’s not mine! So after some thought (him some searching on Naver of course) we decided to call our little gift 쑥쑥이, 쑥쑥 means growing. Because our beta was so low we want it to just grow, grow, grow!!
C’mon 쑥쑥이! We love you already and hope you grow, if you don’t that’s ok too, no pressure :)
So the call came in and it was positive (sort of)…..
I am pregnant! (Technically)
My beta (blood hcg levels) came back pretty low I’m talking single digits…6.1 which is just awful! But considering it’s still super duper early it could just mean I got a blood test WAY too early or I may miscarry…..I’m trying to be positive because it is technically super early. We’re not telling anyone yet (so if you’re friends with me on Facebook don’t say anything!!!) but I decided to share with tumblr because if I don’t I’ll explode! I have another appointment next Monday to see how (and if) I’m progressing! Here’s to good thoughts!! Anyone else out there test with betas super early and just got low (normal) betas and have a healthy pregnancy?
soo…..just looking through my facebook and I noticed something weird….really weird…
it seems as if my ex (of 5 years) is dating this girl that he (and I hated) while we were working together he claimed she was annoying and weird. I was friends with her (somewhat…I mean we were coworkers) and everytime we all hung out he didn’t seem that into that group and now I’m pretty sure they’re “together” it doesn’t bother me at all! but it just goes to show exactly how TINY Richmond is….and how lack of choices is so real….just gross! haha I dunno~ I just hope they’re happy?